Tumblr has been down for almsot twenty hours, it is awful. I've just been on 8tracks and thrilld a lot.

My chem lab and chem test are tomorrow and I am literally going to fail. My lab is beyond awful and empty.

I went to a concert with Ben last night, good times. It was really cold though.
It's difficult dating with a deadline, but maybe it will work out.
Don't get me wrong, I love dating Benny so very much, but sometimes it gets to you. We try to avoid it. He might stay in Vermont and it can still work maybe. Being realistic is no fun.

Sometimes I feel like my life has completely changed and I'm not sure how I like it. It isn't a bad change. It is just different.

These feelings won't go away.

Today was rather bad.
And now ben is pretty much ignoring me to go smoke.

High School is just so ridiculous.
I've been so emotional this week. I started crying today for no reason, I was just stressed over nothing.
I don't sleep either anymore. I wake up so much.

Do you ever wonder if we are being controlled? Like America is just one propaganda machine and really we have it the worst and our government is the craziest?

The holidays just stress me out. I don't have any money and I have so much to buy. I know my dad cant afford to get me anything really but I still feel bad and I don't want to be a burden.

Kate Nash has such a pretty voice it astounds me.

Ben and I have lots of little fights its quite frustrating. Plus I think he actually thinks we could have a future. Its all hormones I'm sure. Becoming attached to someone you know is going to leave and party and hook up with random girls in less than a year is quite terrifying. Plus he is not my type at all and his friends pressure me so much. He is quite wonderful though.

I should shower and do some homework. I'm not sure how much longer this can go on.

now that I am not dating ethan, I think I can start using this again openly.

so much has changed, I'm still not good enough

i am: loud, anxious, in pain, exhausting, vulnerable, incredible, inspirational, blonde, blue eyes, skinny,big boobs,thoughtful, forgetful, street smart, hopeful,insecure, thankful, wanting, a coffee drinker, hypocritical, lazy

i love: bones, smiles, gameboys, pokemon, chocolate covered popcorn, homemade popsicles, laser tag, corn mazes, loud music, rap music, crop tops, my stomach, texting, sunshine, beaches, animals, silence, water, books,frozen food of all varieties, running, crayons, the smell of playdoh, eating the inside of bread, road trips, making lists, reading, vacation, being tan, surprises,camping, baths

i would love to be a: mother, doctor, helper, parent, loved one, accomplice, wingman

i like to eat: fruit. fruit, chocolate bars, juicy juice, clementines, smarties, popcorn, vermonsters, vermont maple syrup, pizza sauce, mozzarella cheese,pasta, dry cereal, soy milk, ice cream with nesquik

i dislike: cold mornings, opening presents, disappointment, emotions, being bloated, tipping in kayaks,fake blondes, world 5-3, scary movies, darkness

i like: reading, music from the 70's, text messages, mario, pikachu, urban outfitter's books, online shopping, lingerie, football, glow in the dark stars, the moon,afroman, five gum, fresh notebooks, duct tape, facebook, magnets, running, midnight adventures, sneaking out, lyrics, red sox, the beatles, being vegetarian, being blonde, the human body, blowing bubbles, all nighters, being complimented by strangers, moving, the future, the past, the present, my youth group,hot girls, hot guys,tents, falling asleep in random locations, purple and orange candies, proper grammar

I am: a junior, jealous of pregnant women, I can make a dolphin noise, I tend to cry when I go to the ocean, I love to type things, I can read really fast, I like using medical terms, I love collarbones, I am beyond stubborn, I always eat the same meals at certain restaurants, I have no desire to spend my life with one person, I am impulsive, music makes my mood, I rememeber specific dates and event, and all their details, more than I'd like to, I think have insomnia, bipolar, depression, I'm grateful for my life, I wish I was an Indian sometimes, I have always loved Micheal Jackson, I love my name, I like to go to the local library, I can cry on command, i go through about sixteen juicyjuice every weekend, I love roller coasters, I love feeling empty, I pop pills to forget, I cut my own hair, I've never had bacon, I hate twilight, my funny bone was broken, I've broken my ankle twice without a cast, LCD soundsystem is amazing, I avoid plans and make up stories all the time, average.

i have/had: skipped school, had cancer, been called a bitch by my parents, never sworn at my parents, lied where I am, run a marathon, jumped off a bridge, played a song on piano, guitar, clarinet, bagpipe, and sax. considered hurting myself, skinny dipped, driven illegally, cliffclimbed,colored on planes, [gotten kinda close] to joining the mile high club, set my mom up with a gay guy knowingly, gotten straight a's till high school, read 5 books in a day,walked a goat,given up, driven a mercedes, climbed a volcano, cried in a dump, been in 110 degree weather,dyed my hair blue, owned converse, fired a gun, seen a therapist, met We the Kings, [kinda] been to a Rush concert, snuck in, had three jobs at once, done bad stuff in a church, laughed till i cried, seen people die.

dont blame me for not caring.
sorry for giving a fuck.
you'll never be happy in life.
bullshit.


and everyone asks why.

Florida. Tanning. It's really windy and annoying.

Going away freaks me out
I always get all emotional and worried for no reason.


Pointless post

What a time to pick a fight
The world is full of those tonight
I looked to you
You stole my life
but here it is the simple task

Save me...
Save me...
Save me...

Save me...
Save me...
Save me...

What a time to pick a fight
The world is full of those to find
The world is full of those to find
The world is full of those tonight



nothing to say.